Dear Readers, I have permission to post this Facebook message from a young adult who is the child of a close friend of mine. Their struggles remind me of what some of my patients are experiencing now – especially with fentanyl and opiates. They shared a couple photos of how they looked during and how they look now after “kicking” the addictive drugs. For anonymity, I will not be sharing. There’s a remarkable difference as I am sure you have seen with others who struggle and then got free.
I thought the message was worth sharing.
Stay strong.
Pet Peter Ninemire, LSCSW, LCAC
I’m so tired of being fake.
Anyone who knows me knows that I’ve struggled with mental illness and alcoholism that morphed into heroin and then fentanyl addiction my entire life. I earnestly want to be transparent for once.
The last year has been rough. I’ve lost everything, sold every possession I’ve owned for dope, lost or burned every friend to avoid being sick, and facing the problems that I created.
I opened Pandora’s box and I lived every day in absolute terror that I couldn’t escape tasting the forbidden fruit.
Once I made the decision I was done, it took me almost 3 months to fully kick fentanyl, and earn control of my body back, my mind will take much longer, but I finally kicked.
It was the worst hell I could possibly imagine, and I truly understand the saying “I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemies” deep in my bones now. No matter how bad I wanted to stop, my brain would not f****** register until I was finally out of acute withdrawal. my choice had been taken away from me, and the few times I could get a few days, the intense insomnia would drive me to insanity.
But I kicked, and I f****** kicked hard.
I slept the last two nights, and I feel like the ability to consciously say F*** NO to my own thoughts is starting to return.
Thank you to everyone who has lended a hand along the way. I would literally be dead without you, so my gratitude is eternal.
I will keep updating on my progress. Message me if you want or need to talk or are struggling.
I am truly sorry if my addiction has burned you, or you had to watch me kill myself every day.
~~A young adult in recovery
