More than likely you can relate to my story here. More than likely I have been where you are at now and a few steps ahead of you.
I went through all the stages of addiction without knowing it. I ended up losing my freedom and wasting 10-years of my life in federal prison.
Marijuana was my drug of choice, and I thought I would never use other drugs. That was something I just wasn’t going to do.
Things changed
I now that my experience with marijuana “normalized” my feelings about other drugs, and led me to follow through on my curiosity. Eventually I tried “speed or crank” as methamphetamine was known back then.
This drug use paved the way for my 10-year obsession with cocaine — that I could never fully quit using until I went to prison. I do not recommend prison as a way to quit your dependence on drugs nor do I recommend using them to those in there.
My last time
I am proud to say that I have never used another drug since the last time I used marijuana in prison. It was what I call “a really bad trip” in the same way that I recall the last time I used LSD when I was looking at going to prison the first time I got busted.
As I got high, I reflected back and saw for the first time how marijuana derailed my plans for any future and took over my life. My obsession with getting “high” led to all of the problems I had in life.
My last joint was a “dysphoric” as opposed to an “euphoric” experience. I became overwhelmed with guilt and shame. Recalling how I started using marijuana at age 14, and no matter what – I could not quit using marijuana. I had the desire to quit after each time I got busted, but my dependence overruled that without me realizing that was the reason I could not quit using it and other drugs.
My Realization
Later I understood my inability to quit was because marijuana and other drugs give us a sense of well-being and get rid of our bad feelings.
Great right? Well, not so great because when you use too often and too much like I did, drugs chemically changed my brain. My brain had become “normal” with the drugs present. I experienced a psychological and emotional dependence on them – meaning I felt I had to have them and that I used them to manage my emotions.
There’s Hope
I am hopeful that everyone we work with doesn’t have to go through what I did. It took a lot for me to come to terms with living life without farming my coping mechanisms out to marijuana.
We’re smarter now about drug dependence being a brain disease. We understand that more often than not, your first dependence on a drug leads to other drugs. Even cigarettes can be that “gateway” drug.
Believe it or not, I have no desire to have or use marijuana again because I love my life the way it is now.
My Point
My point is that you don’t have to go to prison or have something bad happen to change your life. The old axiom that people “have to reach their bottom” doesn’t have to be true.
Make that call. Get treatment. Let us help you counteract addiction’s powerful and disruptive impact it has on your brain and your behavior.
Call us at 316-295-4800 and get help.
Meanwhile, be safe and stay strong.
~~Peter
